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Archive for December 1st, 2010
01 Dec

A Blip of a Movie Review: “Burlesque”

Alternate Title: “All About Divas”

Short Plot: Cher runs a burlesque-style club that is in financial trouble. Christina Aquilera is an Iowa girl with stars in her eyes who wants on the stage. Can she make it in L.A.? Can she sing in Cher’s club? Can she take down the reigning club diva? Can Cher get out of debt? Can Christina find a boyfriend? Can conflict arrive on both fronts via McSteamy? Can Stanley Tucci be any gayer…again? I don’t think I’m ruining anything by saying the answer is “yes” to all of these.

Pros: It is great to see Cher on screen again looking fab, Christina is actually not too bad, the sets and costumes are terrific (natch), there are a couple of snazzy numbers, and it made me wish a club like this existed somewhere because I’d love to go.

Cons: The plot is wafer thin and could seemingly snap at any second, and although she’s not too bad, Christina should keep her day job, the direction of the musical numbers was choppy and dizzying, is almost like a strange love child of “Cabaret” and “Showgirls” (but not in a good way), the musical numbers were not consistent (you would never hear a power ballad at a burlesque club), overlong for the teeny plot, and the worst possible sin was committed – there was NO Cher/Christina duet…WTF?!

Verdict: Not horrific, but not good either. Cher was basically Cher, but I like that and have missed her in films. I really wanted more from the pairing of the two divas, but there was not much interaction between them and, again, no duet. I still don’t understand that one. And there was one terrifically laughable part where Kristen Bell, the reigning diva at the club argues with Cher and tells her “the day after your honeymoon I slept with your husband!” Well, Kristen is supposed to be like late-twenties max and Cher seem half-century. So how old was Kristen when she did her husband? Like 8? I was semi-entertained for a while, but overall I was really disappointed. Not good enough to recommend and not bad enough to be camp.

Rating: 2 out of 5 Blips  ••

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